A Lesson in Love

Settling down is a real mark of maturity.  When someone desires to settle down, he is acknowledging that he is settled into self, as a person, an individual.  He is grounded in who he is.  Because of this, I believe, a person then becomes naturally oriented to people and life outside of himself.  Thus, he is ready to give himself to others, which is the hallmark of love.

Just because one is married or has children doesn't mean that one is settled down.  I say this from experience.  I was married for seven years, but I was restless.  I didn't understand myself or how I fit into the world around me, and so I couldn't give myself completely as a wife.  Thus, there was lack of love for myself, and consequently, there was lack of love for my husband at the time.  Thank God there were no children born into the marriage, because I would have lacked love for them too.

People don't always marry to settle down.  Some marry out of fear.  Some fear that they will lose the one they want if they don't marry.  Others marry for fear of being alone.  Some marry for fear of not being loved.  They do not consciously know these things, for these are unconscious motivations.  What was my excuse?  I lacked the patience to wait for love.  Wearied from a string of immature romances coupled with internal fears of rejection and abandonment, I hastily tied the knot at 21. 

BUT FEAR ISN'T LOVE...

Marriage that is based in fear is in danger of failing and will fail if the fear is perpetuated.  The reason is because marriage wasn't designed for fear; it was built for love.  Love is the very antithesis of fear, for as the scripture says, "[t]here is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear ..." (1 John 4:18, NIV).  Fear and love CANNOT co-exist.  So, I reiterate: a marriage founded in fear CANNOT survive, because it is loveless at its root.

Our society criticizes and crucifies the institution of marriage because of the overwhelming number of divorces.  But, the problem isn't marriage.  The fault lies in the lack of love in marriages.  There is so much selfishness in our culture that people marry to gain something for themselves, not to give.  This is due to a lack of love for SELF, FIRST.  A person who truly loves himself can give at-will without the fear of lacking anything in return.  When you put two individuals together who have this self-love, there is an easy and contant flow of reciprocity, because there is a continuous outflow of giving between the two.  If one enters a marriage with the expectation of "what can I gain from this person, this experience, this arrangement," they have already swallowed the seed of divorce.  And to give in order to profit, whether financially, sexually, materially or otherwise,  is counterfeit love, because true love is unconditional.

If our society wants to see marriages that work, then we must begin with loving ourselves.  And to love ourselves is to submit ourselves to God because "it is He who has made us and not we ourselves" (Psalm 100:3, NKJV).  If you want to know about a product and why it was made, consult the manufacturer.  One cannot truly love himself without knowing God first, and until we accept this, we will spend our lives filling that need for Him with people, possessions and other tangibles that are good indeed, but are misplaced in our lives.  We do not have to understand God to know Him.  We must simply live in Love, because Love is who He IS.

So, because of my renewed faith in God, and this wonderful love and appreciation I'm finding for myself, I have faith that I will TRULY love the right man one day.  I have the courage now to grow in patience and exercise it daily.  I say it takes courage because I am resisting a culture of instant gratification, a mindset that says "if I can't have it now, why wait?  It's useless!" 

The reward for my patience?  I envision a wealth of little ones safe, secure, and warm in a home where love endures and never, never  fails...

And so, I wait...

Learning to Be

With all of the so-called "growing up" I've done, I feel as if I will always be just a little girl.  There's so much about life to wonder about, to be in awe about, to discover, to learn.  This is the mind of a child: wondering, hungry for insight and instruction.  The older I get, the stronger this quality seems to grow.  The sight of a ladybug causes me to put everything on hold just to watch it and wonder.  How does the ladybug feel, I wonder.  What is she thinking?  How does she fit into the big picture of Life?  I'm just like a little three year-old!  You can leave me in a nursery with no toys (OUTSIDE of my crib, please!), and I'll find amusement in playing with my feet or in contemplating the bump on the wall.  Long as you leave me be, I'm just fine.  No entertainment necessary;  I'll make my own!

I suppose I'm learning to love myself, that is, learning to give myself what I really need.  And...I guess what I really need to do is allow myself to be the perpetual child.  Not in the sense that I refuse to accept or uphold responsibility, but in the sense that I need to view everything in life as something brand new and undiscovered, like I've never seen it before.  Sure, this makes a grown, 30 year-old woman seem like a naive little pushover.  But, so what?  God always seems to send just the right person or situation to protect me at just the right time.  So then..., why should I care?

So, I don't apologize anymore for my carefree attitude or naivete, or doe-eyed, aloof, head-in-the-clouds stares, or my giggliness, or the heart stitched on my sleeve, or my fountain-of-youth looks, or even the fact that I need solitude, and privacy, and space...and a LOT of it, thank you!

Yeah...I like cupcakes, and fairy tales, and ruffles, and gag-me pink, and vast meadows of flowers, and butterflies, and everything girly and romantic!

No, I'm NOT career-driven, and if you ask me what I'm gonna "DO" with my life and where's my list of ways of how I'm gonna make a ga-zillion bucks in this great, big, fat, overly-industrialized, nothing's-worth-doin'-unless-you're-making-a-dollar, *gasp*-who-am-I-without-my-job-or-my-degree nation, I'll tell you I don't know, 'cuz I 'm too busy trying to just BE!

Amongst all the noise, I've found a sweet pleasure in walking to the beat of my own drum, carving my own path, forging a road where none exists.  No asking how or why, because I won't know until I get there. 

I've learned that to live is to simply BE, that is, to be all that God created me to be.  Not just in the uniqueness of my personality, but in the depth of my character.  I want my life to reflect HIS nature, because I love Him, and He loves me.

Thus, to be is to love.  To love is not to get what I want out of everything and everybody, but to give what is needed. 

And what I need is to be.

Body Wash and the "Complexities" of Life

Ok...so, I spent nearly twenty minutes or so deciding on a body wash.  That's right, body wash.  What's interesting is that I wasn't the only one.  A handful of folks (mainly women) slowed their pace sniffing, poking, testing...all to find the right body wash.  I mean, how could one choose?  With dozens of brands and even more selections of scents among each brand, how could I find that perfect bottle with the perfect scent that would incite visions of an English garden, or satin sheets, or a Caribbean sunset with each squirt and lather...and all for under five bucks? :/

Wait a minute, I thought.  I'm not trying to smell like a tropical dessert here.  I just wanna be CLEAN, for Pete's sake!  Then, I shook myself, grabbed a refreshing bottle of Zest for $2.97, and off I was to complete my grocery list and get the heck out of there.       

I may be reaching here, but when did taking a shower become so complicated?  When did toiletry shopping become such a treasure hunt?   And why?  All that stands before you on the shelves is a smorgasboard of the same carbon-copied goop packaged into a variety of colorful containers designed to make you spend an unreasonable average of $5 a bottle or more so that you can feel like you're in paradise for 5-15 minutes a day.  Or for the men, the right body wash will be the difference between a chick-less loser and a ladies' man...seriously? 

Let's get real.  Body wash can't cure depression, and Old Spice still stinks on a jerk.

In the meantime, I want to live a complex life, uncomplicated.  A life where I spend more of my time to indulge in the wonders and beauty of Life and God's creation, and less on being sucked into capitalistic mind games...

Here's to being "Zestfully clean"!