"It is impossible to have spiritual maturity without facing the truth about ourselves." ~Joyce Meyer
The year 2011 was one of hard reality for me. I was bombarded with truth, unanesthesized. Like a wrecking ball, life knocked me senseless, and I endured weeks and months of deep and extreme emotional pain. Tormenting nights of fear-filled dreams jarred my sleeping. Depths of depression hollowed my insides. Anxiety and suspicion knifed my consciousness. I fell completely apart. The year was a constant enduring of emotional suffering, the worst I had ever experienced, with thirty years of life experiences peaking to a head.
It was truth being revealed. The truth about me. The secrets and unconscious matters from life I had run away from had finally caught up with me, and pain was the only way of confronting these matters and, inevitably, dealing with them.
I thought God was punishing me, that I had failed in life somehow. I felt like a prisoner in my own mind, and feared I would never escape the pain.
As I lay in pieces, depleted of strength and vigor and sheer will, my Redeemer entered the scene. He didn't come as Prince Charming on a white horse. Rather, He came quietly, hovering over me and my pieces like a fine mist. While many poked their fingers at me, "Why don't you just pull yourself together?! What you doin' down there, lying in pieces, for?! There's nothing wrong with you!"... He simply made Himself present with me...no condemnation, no demands. He came and quietly surveyed the damage, delicately picking up the pieces of me one by one.
With each piece, He paused, taking His time to examine me and the matter contained within. As such, I confronted the issues of my life, truth after stinging truth, with nothing to dull the pain...yet, He was present with me, healing me piece by piece by piece...
Then, one day in December, as if suddenly, I experienced a day with a "high" that I had not felt before. There was a new excitement stirring within. Surely, it was my morning coffee, I thought. But, as the evening fell, and the "high" continued, common sense told me that not even morning coffee lasts that long...
It was the will to live.
On this first day of 2012, I stand armed like a warrior princess, scarred and war-torn from a year of intense battle, yet poised and armed to attack fear or anything that challenges my will to live. With the loss and grief I've carried, the pain I've endured, and the truth I've embraced, I am NOT afraid to lose, which means I am destined to WIN. I will not run or back down from a threat, for "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)."
The year 2011 was one of hard reality for me. I was bombarded with truth, unanesthesized. Like a wrecking ball, life knocked me senseless, and I endured weeks and months of deep and extreme emotional pain. Tormenting nights of fear-filled dreams jarred my sleeping. Depths of depression hollowed my insides. Anxiety and suspicion knifed my consciousness. I fell completely apart. The year was a constant enduring of emotional suffering, the worst I had ever experienced, with thirty years of life experiences peaking to a head.
It was truth being revealed. The truth about me. The secrets and unconscious matters from life I had run away from had finally caught up with me, and pain was the only way of confronting these matters and, inevitably, dealing with them.
I thought God was punishing me, that I had failed in life somehow. I felt like a prisoner in my own mind, and feared I would never escape the pain.
As I lay in pieces, depleted of strength and vigor and sheer will, my Redeemer entered the scene. He didn't come as Prince Charming on a white horse. Rather, He came quietly, hovering over me and my pieces like a fine mist. While many poked their fingers at me, "Why don't you just pull yourself together?! What you doin' down there, lying in pieces, for?! There's nothing wrong with you!"... He simply made Himself present with me...no condemnation, no demands. He came and quietly surveyed the damage, delicately picking up the pieces of me one by one.
With each piece, He paused, taking His time to examine me and the matter contained within. As such, I confronted the issues of my life, truth after stinging truth, with nothing to dull the pain...yet, He was present with me, healing me piece by piece by piece...
Then, one day in December, as if suddenly, I experienced a day with a "high" that I had not felt before. There was a new excitement stirring within. Surely, it was my morning coffee, I thought. But, as the evening fell, and the "high" continued, common sense told me that not even morning coffee lasts that long...
It was the will to live.
On this first day of 2012, I stand armed like a warrior princess, scarred and war-torn from a year of intense battle, yet poised and armed to attack fear or anything that challenges my will to live. With the loss and grief I've carried, the pain I've endured, and the truth I've embraced, I am NOT afraid to lose, which means I am destined to WIN. I will not run or back down from a threat, for "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)."
You inspire me! I miss you xo Cara
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